My Marty was on the Dean’s List
Straight A’s through college
Put on your raincoat girls
He’s a fountain of knowledge.
All the women adore him
His mother loves him the most
Try and seduce him girls
You’ll smolder like burned toast.
He’s a doctor, my son
The best in his profession
He’s a proctologist by trade
But he’ll check the flip side as a concession.
He’s looking for a girl
Just like me
Creamy and delicious
Like crackers with brie
She should sauté him a paella
My Marty’s gourmet thing
And I’ll flush down the toilet
Her nasty chicken-a-la-king
She should be sexy
With a high bust if you please
Mine reached to my cheekbones
Now they’re down to my knees.
He gets manicures and haircuts
I pluck the hairs on his nose
He gets laser for the fungus
That grows wild on his toes.
He brushes his teeth daily
Briskly twice each day
So his teeth sparkle like mine
And drives the halitosis away
I won’t allow tattoos
Maybe a heart with “mother”
Anything else
With a pillow I’ll smother.
Do you know a nice girl
Who is anxious to wed?
I’ll check out her details
Maybe she’ll meet us in bed.
I’ll pick a king-sized bed
For the honeymoon
But if she thinks I’m an intruder
Then cock-ihr-oon.
But if she marries my son
She better dress classy
Her diction should be precise
And her digestion not too gassy.