The Boys Visit The Fitness Center
The aging process has caught up with the boys. By applying to the fitness center we thought we would reduce its soaring speed. Three flights of stairs brought them to my apartment.
“What stinks here? It smells like an old subway toilet.”
“Sheila likes my stuffed cabbage. I’m boiling the cabbage to separate the leaves.”
“When she comes home, she’ll think you had the runs.”
“Do you think your apartment is refreshing with all the garlic you use on everything, even in the orange juice?”
“Hurry up. The boys are waiting.”
“Just a minute. I want to get my jockstrap.”
“Jockstrap? No one wears a jockstrap these days.”
“I always wore one when I played football. It gave me a sense of security.”
“The way you played ball you needed reflexes, not a jaockstrap to get a sense of security.”
“Oh. Mister Athlete. You weren’t such a hotshot. I remember when The Creep labeled you Trenchfeet.”
“Come on. Let’s get going. The Baker is waiting.”
“It’s about time you guys came down. It’s nearly dinnertime.”
“The Blink Fitness Center is well-equipped and reasonable. You’re my guests.”
“I remember when you didn’t leave a tip for Gene when we had pastrami sandwiches after a stickball game. Now we’re your guests?”
“Let’s go in.”
“I’m having these three guys as my guests.”
“That will be five dollars apiece – fifteen dollars dollars.”
“That’s pretty expensive for an afternoon of agony.”
“Here’s the fifteen bucks. Buy yourself a beer and pretzels.”
“I only have one lock. We’ll have to put all our clothes in one locker.”
“All our clothes in one locker? Alvin doesn’t use a deodorant. My shirt will smell like I ran the marathon..”
“A wise guy eh? What about your shorts that you change once a week? They smell like they were marinating in a Korean rice paddy.”
“What’s this gizmo with two pads?”
“You place your elbows on the pads and lift your legs to form an L. Try it.”
“Ugh! I nearly tore my guts out.”
“You only did it twice. I do it forty times, then thirty and finally twenty.”
“Big deal. And what does it get you? You still have a pot belly.”
“I think we should go to the treadmill. For beginners it’s less complicated and doesn’t rip your kishkes apart.”
“Look at that. Everyone is walking, but they’re going nowhere. I could stand in place and move my legs up and down, it’s the same thing and I don’t have to become a member.”
“They adjust the speed and the angle at which they’re walking, so it’s really challenging.”
“Challenging? That thing with the elbow pads tore my guts apart. I don’t need anymore challenges.”
“Then try the recumbent bike. You sit and watch TV.”
“Recumbent? We never had that word for the English Regents. Does this also have a speed and angle adjustment?”
“No, just a resistance adjustment.”
“OK. It’s time to go home.”
“We just came here.”