Senescence
If he needs a walker for his feet,
Will he need a catheter to excrete?
Who is the weasel that stole his cane?
This nursing home has become insane.
His wrinkles become deeper,
As the stairways become steeper.
What is that you just said?
My recharged batteries aren’t dead.
Ms. Lipton accused him of being a stalker.
When all he has is a rusty-bent walker.
Is it night, or possibly morning?
The alarm on his bedpan gives him no warning.
Who is the thief that stole his glasses?
He needs them for his memory classes.
Is that an eye chart over there?
No, it’s a side-by-side Frigidaire.
A yellow fungus glows from his toes,
The doctor says, “Wear woolen hose.”
A beard will veil his double-chin
But a razor betrays the sagging skin.
Constipation congeals his hardened life,
Can he split it open with a Swiss Army knife?
Eat more bran to loosen the bowels,
That’ll put an end to the groans and the howls.
He began brushing his teeth at twenty-one,
Now his molars, incisors and bicuspids are gone.
Hypertension and PTSD,
Is there really something wrong with me?
I have a grueling workout at the gym,
To keep myself fit, to keep myself trim.
Treadmills and ellipticals, push-ups and curls,
I’ll be the feature attraction among the chair-yoga girls.
One of the chair gals asked him to wed,
“Oh, yes, yes, indeed” he said.
He wore brown-flannel slippers with a brand-new tuxedo,
She stood stunned at the altar then lost her libido.
Meanwhile, gravity pulls his liver down,
To create a pot-bellied, corpulent clown.
His belt gets longer,
But his urine isn’t stronger.
Some call it a myth,
The crop of hair he was born with.
A toupee skids on his barren pate,
Staple it down before it’s too late.
Eat more greens the doctors say
So he ate a green crayon yesterday.
How many pills should you take each night?
When your tongue can’t move, that’s just about right.
Get my meds Gert, I’m going to sleep.
I’ll count my capsules instead of sheep.
So, all you youngsters hale and hearty,
Savor your youth before you join our party.
Daniel Wolfe